On attempting to sleep
One major side effect of new apartment is that my sleep-wake cycle has no idea what the fuck is going on.
A chronic insomniac, I am not wholly unprepared for this.
The light comes in the window at the wrong angle. The temperature is alternately too warm and way too cold (even though it is exactly 65 degrees in both cases). The noise of the refrigerator kicking on is enough to take me right out of the almost-asleep zone and drop me firmly back into awake mode. Every single time it happens, I am reminded of Judge John Hodgman's anectode about his first apartment. I wish I too could put a door between myself and the fridge, your honor.
I am assembling a list of things I have tried to use to fall asleep:
- Sundown lamp - I have a Philips SmartSleep Wake-up Light. It has an excellent "sunset simulation" feature which slowly dims the light, creating the sensation that you happen to be falling asleep just as the sun goes down. It's really useful because paradoxically complete darkness can make me feel Very Awake, but a nice dim light is soporific. Unfortunately, despite its fancy pedigree (and price tag), the lamp has begun to malfunction so that it makes creepy ticking noises in the middle of the night which wake me up in a cold sweat. I tried my best, but I gave up and unplugged it and shoved it under the bed for now.
- Stupid audiobooks - The greatest enemy of sleeping is my very own brain. If it was up to my brain, night time would be set aside for specifically overthinking every thing I have ever done or will ever do. Thus, the main strategy for sleeping is to distract my brain with things like sitcoms, podcasts, and stupid audiobooks until it is too sleepy to worry and drops off. The problem with this strategy is finding sacrificial media that is INTERESTING enough to distract brain, but BORING/INCONSEQUENTIAL enough that brain will get sleepy. Right now I've got a series of romantasy audio books that are pretty stupid but decently written, so they satisfy the interesting/boring ratio condition. At least they did until recently, when I got to book four, and my brain started to drift into overthinking mode while I was listening to the main character wax poetic about her hunky vampire boyfriend. I'm a certified hater of hunky vampire boyfriends with washboard abs (I prefer a pathetic vampire boyfriend with fluffy hair), so the charm of the central romantic pairing has started to wear off a bit.
- Heating pad - This works awesomely, but only if the room temperature is cold enough and the blanket is light enough. Basically it takes some rigging up. Also, you're not supposed to leave it on while you're asleep in case you accicentally very slowly cook yourself, so I have to remember to turn it off while I am falling asleep. If I turn it off prematurely, I stay awake and have to turn it back on and start over.
- Chamomile tea - this also works, but has the extreme drawback of being a liquid, which means that about an hour after consuming it I will have to get back up and turn the lights on so I don't trip, fall, and die on the way to the bathroom.
- Special THC medicine - this can work pretty well, as long as it's dosed correctly. The only problem with this is that the special medicine has a negative effect on the quality of your sleep. So, while yes, I am conked out for 9 hours, it might not be as restorative as 9 hours of non-medicine sleep. Plus I think it makes me sleep with my eyes open, which is creepy and makes them dry the next day.
this page last updated 3/18/2025, or after that but i forgot to update the date. who knows!